At its core, a lack of confidence comes down to having beliefs about ourselves which are not true. As we go through life, we have emotionally painful experiences and draw conclusions about what kind of a person those experiences therefore mean that we are. We also take on false beliefs based on what other people think and what society as a whole tell us that we are. Over time, we totally believe what we are told and accumulate evidence and stories to support those conclusions. Before we know it, we have major and debilitating confidence and sel-esteem issues.
A lack of confidence
There’s a way to genuinely, deeply and always have faith in ourselves in every situation we face. And it’s an ability that’s easy to acquire. I have struggled with confidence issues throughout my whole life. That was until a few months ago when I discovered a true sense of confidence. I coined the term soul confidence to describe a place that we can get to where we believe that we will be OK no matter what. It’s a type of confidence that comes from our soul, which is the deepest part of ourselves. Self-confidence, on the other hand, comes from the ego, which is the shallowest part of ourselves.
Having a lack of confidence can cause us a lot of emotional pain and unhappiness. It limits what we do and where we go with our lives. We develop coping mechanisms when we lack confidence. For example, sometimes we wear masks to cover things up or we put on a pretence and act is if we are confident when we are not. Or we run away from or avoid situations completely where we lack confidence. All these approaches are understandable because exposing our vulnerabilities is hard. A lack of confidence causes us to stay in our comfort zones and to not be who we truly are inside. A lack of confidence means that we can miss out on fulfilment, success, excitement, joy and love. So it’s a big issue and, in some ways, it can be the silent killer of our dreams.
The truth is, though, that it’s hard to be confident in the modern world that we live in. As we grow up we are graded at school, we are compared and criticised by our parents and we can be teased by school friends. Then as adults, there’s the gossiping, office politics and in-fighting at work. Plus we are bombarded with messages from the media and advertisers about how we should look and what we need to do to make our lives better. The prevailing message that it is easy to pick up is that that we are not good enough as we are.
The problem with self-confidence
Becoming self-confident is not the answer, though. I used to think it was and I would often go in search of answers as to how I could boost my confidence. The advice that is offered includes being positive, pushing through, visualizing, practicing hard and improving our self-talk. What all these approaches have in common, though, is that they are about papering over the cracks and they don’t address the core issue. And that’s fear.
Self-confidence is an ego thing. It’s about comparing and feeling better about ourselves if we think that we are above others in some way. True confidence comes from understanding that are more than our personality. It comes from understanding that we have a soul and connecting with it. Our soul is not scared of what other people think. It knows that we are more than good enough.
The 4 differences between soul confidence and self-confidence
- Self-confidence is shaky whereas soul confidence is permanent. Self-confidence can be an elusive thing. It can suddenly disappear and be hard to get back – look at how many professional footballers suddenly lose their confidence and are not the same player. Soul confidence is always there.
- Self-confidence is limited but soul confidence is all-inclusive. We can have self-confidence in some situations and in some aspects of our lives but not in others. We can have it with some people but not with others. With soul confidence, we have faith in ourselves in all areas because it’s not conditional or situational.
- Self-confidence comes from the outside. Soul confidence, however, comes from the inside. We need reasons in the form of evidence, stories and opinions to feel self-confident. We go around seeking things outside of ourselves such as money or a big house thinking that they’ll be confidence boosters. But they are not. Soul confidence is not derived from admiration and is not based on what we have achieved. It just is. It’s an inner knowing that we are fine as a person no matter what. Our soul is the power at the depths of who we are.
- Self-confidence is fake. Soul confidence, on the other hand, is our natural state of being. We are not born with confidence issues. We acquire them throughout our lives with all the baggage and false beliefs that we take on.
How to achieve soul confidence
Becoming truly confident is simple. It starts with self-love. It’s about knowing that we are not what other people think about us. We are worthy and deserving.
- It involves becoming aware of and then ignoring the noisy voice inside our head that puts us down, tells us that we will mess up and warns us that we will be destroyed in the process.
- It then involves going inside and listening instead to the quiet voice of our soul that tells us that we are good enough, that we are going to be OK and that, whatever happens, it’s all for a reason. Our soul always has our best interests at heart. Sometimes it gives us tests but it’s always for our greater good.
When we are connected to our soul we are in tune with the source of all intelligence and unconditional love. We can call on that whenever we need it. So what is there ever to be worried about? The spiritual meaning of confidence is faith. Ultimately, confidence means the absence of fear. So have faith. You’ll always be OK. Your soul has got your back.
